he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
