You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
