i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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