Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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