the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
