your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
