who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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