i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
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I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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