Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
