ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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