he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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