Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
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Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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