Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
