R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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