dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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