What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
