He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Actions speak louder than pants.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
