He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
