Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
