RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize