we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
