Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
