Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
