I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
