I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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