Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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