I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
