And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
