Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
did i walk over a car last night?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
