Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
