No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
