I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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