I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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