I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
