the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
