I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
