I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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