I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
