So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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