Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
