Swine flu. Run for my life!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
