K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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