So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she woke up with a sticky ear
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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