Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
