the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
