Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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