I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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