I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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