What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
