have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
