She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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