I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
