We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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