A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
