This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
