Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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