I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
