dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
