Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
