I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
