apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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