He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
