I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
