Your face is a jimmy john
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
