forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
