If i come over, it means nothing
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
