I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize