just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
