I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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