My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
