The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
