btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im having a threesome with these popsicles
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
