I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
