What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
