The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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