just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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