Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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