wanna go halves on a baby?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
