And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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