Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
